Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
by Drowning in You
Summary: FredXOC An American exchange student with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder gets switched to Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: A Fred Weasley Story

Chapter One

((Disclaimers: I do not own any of the characters except for Alexandra, and my OC had PTSD before meeting Fred…He doesn't beat her or anything… *sniggers*))

_"Ben, I'm home!" I called as I opened the door to my living room. I looked to the couch expectantly, but my older brother wasn't there. I figured he was in his room. I threw my book bag onto the couch and the books "Extraordinary Housekeeping for the Extraordinary Witch," and "Need to Know Spells for the Aspiring Healer," came out, as well as "Hexes and Curses to use on those that Molest You." Everyday at school I raided the library, searching for books that I thought Ben would find interesting. Ever since he got sick last year he was unable to attend school or even leave the house. _

_"Beeeeeennnnnn!" I sang as I entered his room, which was across from mine. But he wasn't in there either. "He better not be in my room," I muttered to myself angrily as I opened my door. He found it quite humorous to hide in there and pop out when I least expected it. I crossed my arms and stood there, daring him to jump out, but he didn't. My mind flooded with disbelief. He always did like a good joke, but this was too far. I walked away and ran my fingers through my light blonde bob. I cautiously entered the kitchen. He wasn't anywhere to be seen. In a moment of desperation I began to open every cupboard in hope that he'd be crouching in one and laughing at my face. I wiped the fearful tears out of my eyes, and suddenly I knew. _

_"Oh my god," I groaned. "He's in the stupid basement." I trudged down the stairs and sighed in relief. He was sitting with his back to me, and his shoulders were shaking- laughter. I felt myself giggle. _

_"That wasn't funny! I was so freaked out!" I said as I finished running down the stairs. He nearly jumped out of his chair when he heard me. He turned around quickly, and then I noticed he wasn't laughing. Tears of anguish were streaming down his beautiful face. His eyes pierced my flesh with anger and wild desperation. I hardly recognized him. _

_"Ben…?" I whispered._

"Miss! Miss!" a man was saying over and over as he was shaking me gently.

"Wha…? What is it?" I mumbled as I sat up. I noticed that tears were stinging my eyes.

"You…you kept shouting about some bloke called 'Ben.' You didn't sound so good so I…" the British man explained.

"Oh! Oh… well thank you. You're Tom, right? The innkeeper here?" He nodded. "Thank you very much, Tom." He smiled at my sympathetically.

"Would you like a cuppa tea? You sounded right frightened, you did," he asked as he patted my arm.

"Uh… Sure," I answered, "That would be wonderful." I smoothed down my hair, which had grown since the dream. Everywhere I looked I saw eyes. _His_ eyes. They were wide and dark, and so bone chillingly cold that they haunted my dreams. They were so sorrow-filled and angry, yet so empty at the same time that every fiber of my being screamed in protest when I thought of them. They didn't belong to the Ben I knew and loved. He wasn't my cheerful and strong brother whom I idolized and adored. "_He was sick," _my dad would say. _"There was nothing we could do."_ But that answer never satisfied me, and it never will.

"Honey?" he said in a comforting tone. I looked at him with a look of horror on my face. Honey?! He held up the bottle for me to see.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, blushing deeply. "Yes, please."

"Uh…If you don't mind me asking, who is this Ben fellow?" he inquired as he handed me my glass.

"My brother," I said curtly with a note of finality. He didn't dig deeper into the matter. I took a sip of the tea and cringed. It seems that every English man figures I don't take tea with milk simply because I am American.

"Oh…okay," he responded, ignoring my face. "So…I heard you go to the book store often."

"I really appreciate what you're trying to do for me," I said as I placed my cup on a coaster, "But you neednt bother. I'm all right. Really. I'm going to bed now." I left him staring at my retreating figure in awe.

===Blahhh===

I awoke the next morning to a tapping on my window. I groaned and flipped over to see my barn owl, Soren, whom I named after an owl in a book I read as a child, outside with a mouse in his beak.

"You just had to come now," I muttered angrily as I swung my legs over the bed. I stretched on my bed like a cat before getting up to let Soren in. He hooted happily and went to enjoy his mouse on his perch. "Might as well stay up," I grumbled. I grabbed a skirt and blouse and jumped into the shower. Once I had finished in there I grabbed my book bag and slung it over my shoulder.

"Good morning, Alexandra," said Tom as I made my way downstairs.

"Alex," I corrected him, "And good morning." I grabbed a piece of toast and left to Flourish and Blots like usual.

"Hey Alex," said Mr. Davis, the store manager.

"Hi," I said brightly. "Find anything interesting?" He smirked as he handed me a rather thick book. "Wacky _Ways to Charm Prince Charming_," I read with a grin. "_Ever met that perfect guy, but he just won't take notice of you? Tried every trick up to your sleeve, but to no avail? Well, in Wacky Ways to Charm Prince Charming, there are hundreds of methods that have been lost to the times that are sure to work_." I stopped to giggle. "Wow, there's a spell to clear your body of methane so you don't accidentally fart in his presence. Useful," I mused as I handed him the book. "But I think I'm okay in that department."

"Fred! George! This is no time to be looking at prank books!" an angry woman's voice cracked from behind us.

"Oh come on, mum," said a boy. "Everybody could use a laugh now, with Sirius Black and everything." I looked over at them and saw a plump red-headed woman pointing a finger at two identical twins with red hair like the woman.

"Don't you _dare_ bring that into this!" she scolded, "Black is very dangerous and shouldn't be taken lightly!" Mr. Davis gave me "thelook." Whenever something like this occurred he usually had me help. I rolled my eyes and pretended to be browsing nearby.

"We aren't taking him lightly," said a twin, "We just reckon that people are too uptight and would benefit from a good laugh." One of the boys caught my eye. Smiling and blushing, I said,

"I agree. I'd love a laugh now." The woman, their mother I assumed, flushed red.

"Oh, alright," she said. But at their excited smiles, she added, "But don't tell anybody else."

"Brilliant!" they exclaimed in unison, grinning broadly. "We won't. Thanks mum!"

"Well, you're welcome. Now go to Olivanders. I'm sure your dad and Ron are still there," she said, looking slightly embarrassed. "I'll get the rest of the books." They nodded, and turned to leave. As they were going out the door one of the twins grinned and winked at me. I joined Mr. Davis on the other side of the room as the woman made her purchases.

"Here you are," he said as he handed me "Advanced Magical Healing" by some big shot Healer. "You've earned it." That's how my stay at Diagon Alley has been. I went to Flourish and Blots, and if I saved a sale Mr. Davis gave me a book of my choice.

"Thank you very much," I said as I tucked it under my arm.

"No, thank _you,"_ he replied. "Anything you'd like me to save for you?"

"A really good hex book. You can never have enough." I went over and sat in one of the cushy chairs. I read my book for what felt like hours, looking up occasionally and laughing when students from Hogwarts came in asking for "A Monster Book of Monsters." I had already gotten my school books for next year free of charge. As the sun set I made my way back to the Leaky Cauldron.

"Hey Alex," called Tom as I entered the room.

"Hello," I said with a smile as I sat at the end of one of the long tables. As I did so the woman from the shop came in with the twins, two tall and lanky boys (one was older looking with horn rimmed glasses), a balding man, and a young girl, all of them having the same flaming red hair. They were accompanied by a small and thin boy with messy black hair and a girl with bushy brown hair.

"It's brilliant that you went to Egypt, Ron," said the black haired boy sounding bored.

"It was amazing! You should have seen it, there were all these disfigured skeletons, and-," Ron was saying. He went on and on enthusiastically as he sat with the two people who appeared to be unrelated to him.

"Give it a rest, Ron," said one of the twins from behind him.

"Yeah," said the other, "You'll bore them to death." The boy called Ron's ears went pink.

"Sorry guys," he murmered.

"Hey," said one of the twins as I reached for a bowl of mashed potatoes. "Aren't you the girl from Flourish and Blots?" I nodded.

"I am."

"Well thanks a load. The book is excellent," said the other. They pulled up chairs from either side of me.

"I'm glad to hear it," I said with a smile.

"So you're American?" asked the one to my left.

"Yeah, I am. I'm transferring to Hogwarts this year."

"How old are you?"

"14."

"So you're in your fourth year?"

"Fifth," I admitted sheepishly. "I studied ahead this summer and was approved to move up a year."

"Impressive," laughed the one at my right. "I'm George."

"Alexandra, but I prefer Alex," I said as I shook his hand.

"I'm Fred," said the twin to my left. "That's my mum, you can call her Mrs. Weasley, and my dad, and Percy, he's a git," Percy scowled, "and Ron, and that's Harry Potter, Ron's best mate, and Hermione Granger, another one of his friends. Though I reckon they're more than that," Hermione went red and the pink in Ron's ears deepened. "And that's Ginny, my little sister." I waved around at everyone.

"Where in the U.S are you from?" asked Mrs. Weasley.

"San Diego, California," I answered.

"Really?" most people at the table chimed in disbelief.

"Yes? Why?" They looked at me like I was an alien.

"Why would you move from there to here? You must be mental!" Ron exclaimed. I was barely able to stop myself from snorting into my potatoes. Mrs. Weasley shot Ron a stern look.

"Here, have some steak," said Mrs. Weasley as she passed a plate to me with a large slab of meat on it.

"Oh! No thank you. I'm a vegetarian," I answered. I handed to George instead. He merely shrugged. Mrs. Weasley looked me up and down, probably trying to see if I were underweight or not.

"You sure, dear? What have you been eating instead?"

"This and that. I'm perfectly fine," I assured her. I dished myself up some salad and pasta to please her, and she looked satisfied. "What grades- years, I mean, are you all in?"

"Fifth," Fred and George said at the same time, Ron, Harry and Hermione were third years, Percy was a seventh year, and Ginny was a second year.

"Well it's been fantastic meeting you all, but I'm off to bed now. I have a letter I need to finish writing," I said apologetically.

"No problem, dear," said Mrs. Weasley. "Would you like to go to King's Cross with us tomorrow?"

"I'd love to, but my dad was going to take me so we could see each other before I leave a little bit, but thanks for the offer," I said, blushing slightly.

"You're a sweet girl," said Mrs. Weasley. "Maybe we'll see you there. Goodnight."

"Goodnight everybody."

"Goodnight," they said. I caught Fred's eye as I walked up the stairs, and this time it was my turn to wink at him instead.


	2. Chapter 2

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Chapter 2

((Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Alex. There are scenes in this chapter that will be quite graphic, so read with caution! You have been warned…))

"Alex, wake up. It's already eight and the train leaves at eleven!" the familiar voice of my father growled as he shook my shoulders impatiently.

"I don't want to get up," I moaned as I turned away from him.

"Lumos," he snapped, jabbing his wand in front of my face.

"Okay, okay! I'm getting up!" I nearly shouted shrilly as I pushed his wand away. "No need to blind me!" I rubbed my eyes angrily, but they were still unfocused and hurt as if I were staring into the sun for hours on end. I stretched like normal before getting up and grabbing a flattering dress from my half-packed suitcase and other clean garments *ahem*. I barely picked up my feet as I sleepily walked to the bathroom.

"How long did you stay up writing?" my dad called incredulously. "There must be twenty sheets of paper filled here! And it's all one letter to Hope?"

"I miss her, thank you very much!" I snapped from the other side of the door. "And I don't know how long I was up. Too long, in any case."

"Well aren't you lucky. I'm going downstairs to grab some breakfast. Don't take too long in there."

"I can't promise you anything," I laughed. I heard the door close as he left the room. I took a decent shower, not too long, and then packed the stack of papers into an oversized envelope. I gave it to Soren to deliver as I neatly stuffed the rest of my belongings into the suitcase. I dragged it downstairs to join my dad.

"Wow, Alex!" he called. "This sausage is delicious! It's too bad you're a vegetarian," he teased as he took a rather large bite of the tortured animal- excuse me, _the sausage. _

"Boo," I snapped as I grabbed myself some toast and hash browns.

"I just don't get how you do it," he was saying with his mouth full of the greasy meat, "I would die if I couldn't eat this stuff!"

"No," I said politely as I grabbed the heart-attack-on-a-plate from him. "You're going to die if you keep eating like this. You know what the Healers keep saying!"

"I'd rather die happy than miserable!" he responded and took the sausage back from me. I looked at my lap- he had offended me with out realizing it.

"Oh- Alex! I'm sorry, honey. I…I didn't think…I wasn't thinking…" I shook my head.

"It's okay. You didn't mean it." But after that, the remainder of breakfast was quiet and awkward. We left The Leaky Cauldron at 9:45, giving us an ample amount of time to drive to King's Cross, say a decent goodbye, and be early enough so that the train would be empty enough to find a good compartment. We drove along in silence, though my dad commented on the weather a few times in an attempt to start a conversation. He cleared his throat finally and said,

"Remember when you, Ben and I came here? Ben kept talking in a horrible British accent and everybody stared at him like he was crazy." He chuckled at the memory. I stared out of the window, trying really hard not to let my feelings show. "He walked around with you on his shoulders and referred to you as 'Lou' to every person who would listen. He loved to laugh, Ben did. He always wanted to move here, too, and go to Hogwarts. Every year when September 1st was approaching he'd wait for an owl to come from Professor Dumbledore. He thought that Dumbledore would ask him to attend Hogwarts. He begged me to transfer him. Hell, he memorized '_Hogwarts_, _A_ _History_' within days! If only he could see us now! Us, living in London, and you going to Hogwarts!" I was fighting back tears as hard as I possibly could and tried not to listen. He continued to reminisce as until we reached platforms 9 and 10.

"Do you know why I decided to come here, Alex?" he asked gently. I shook my head no. "I want you to remember the good times. I don't want to be back in San Diego where all the bad is. I thought that if Ben were to go anywhere, it'd be here. So the good Ben- the healthy Ben, can always be with us. I hope that maybe while you're here the memories of what happened would fade… and the hole in your heart could be filled with his happiness and his laughter- you understand?" I nodded again, and a few tears spilt over. I gave him a quick hug and entered the platform with him.

"Bye, dad," I croaked.

"Bye, honey." I gave him another hug and entered the train as fast as I could. I found an empty compartment very easily. I pulled down the blind, hiding from the rest of the students and let the tears flow. My whole body shook from the painful sobs. They just never seemed to stop coming. I felt as if all my tears had dried up, and instead of crying I looked out the window dejectedly, forcing my thoughts on the good times, and away from the loss that was gnawing at my heart. As crowds began to swarm the train, I pulled out my wand. I used a spell on myself that took the red and swollenness away from my eyes, so the fact I had been crying wasn't so obvious. A few curious eyes had peeked in to see who occupied the compartment I was in, and all left when the saw me, apologizing as they left. You see, a few lone tears had managed to roll down my cheeks.

"Why are the compartments always full when we get here?" a loud voice complained.

"I dunno," a strikingly similar voice answered. "But it's really getting on my nerves."

"Want to check in here?" another male voice asked. I saw three silhouettes standing outside my compartment.

"Sure," answered one of the 1st two voices, they were so similar I couldn't tell which was which. In fact, they were identical…

"Any room in here?" asked the voice identical to the last one who spoke. The door slid open and I saw the twins with another boy who looked about their age.

"Alex!" exclaimed the other twin as he pointed at me.

"Twin!" I said back, smiling through my tears. I wiped my eyes and giggled.

"What, did you forget my name already? Shame…" he said, his eyes dancing with silent laughter.

"I figured it'd be safer to go that route than to shout the wrong name and look like an idiot." He shrugged.

"Fair, I guess."

"Which one do you think he is?" asked the boy I don't know.

"Uhh…" They all stared at me expectantly. "Fred?" His brow furrowed.

"How'd you know?"

"I guessed. I was right?" He nodded.

"Can we sit here?"

"No, sorry. I was saving it for my llama. He should be arriving shortly."

"Well your llama will have to find another compartment then," George said as he took a seat across from me.

"My llama will be offended. I can't guarantee you will walk away from this unscathed." Chuckling heartily, Fred took a seat at my left and the boy I don't know sat across from him.

"I dunno," Fred said. "I've taken down many Slytherins in my day. They're close enough right?" I gasped and placed my hand on my chest.

"How dare you compare my llama to such… such… filth?"

"Well that's hardly fair," said a snide voice from the hall. Whoever it was opened the compartment door and sneered at the twins and their friend. "You haven't even gone to Hogwarts yet. You're Alexandra Whitely, correct?" The boy had platinum blonde hair and bright blue eyes that had a malicious glint.

"Uh, yeah. That's me."

"Well then I know for a fact that you are the American exchange student my father told me about. I'm just warning you that you haven't been sorted yet, so don't make any enemies just now. Because who knows, perhaps you'll be in Slytherin. See you, America." After he shot a glare at everybody again he left me looking stunned.

"Who the _hell_ was that?" I asked incredulously.

"Draco Malfoy," said the unknown boy darkly.

"He's the worst Slytherin gets. His family is pure blood so he thinks he's better than everybody," George continued.

"It doesn't help that he's filthy rich and all the girls think he's a really attractive bad boy and all want to be with him. Anyways, he's bad news," Fred finished with a scowl.

"Sounds like a dick to me," I agreed with a shrug. "And I don't believe I caught your name. I'm Alex," I said as I extended my arm to the twins' friend.

"Lee Jordan," he answered as he shook my hand.

"So…Alex?" Fred asked from next to me.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

"Were you crying earlier?" I looked away and blushed profusely.

"Yeah," I answered my voice thick with embarrassment. He nodded and looked away.

"So… uh… hear about Sirius Black lately?" asked George to break the silence.

"Yes!" Lee exclaimed. "The sightings suggest he's heading this way. What kind of precautions do you think Dumbledore is setting up to protect Harry?"

"I just hope it isn't dementors," I said shuddering at the thought.

"Well, they'd protect the castle pretty well. What's wrong with them?" Lee asked.

"Have you ever been near one in person?" Lee shook his head. "Well, that explains it. It's the worst feeling in the world."

"I've heard they suck out the happiness. How is that so bad?" I shook my head at him.

"I couldn't explain it to you. You'd have to feel it." And right on cue the whole room suddenly got freezing cold and all the lights went out. I instinctively shot my hand out to Fred's, but only because he was next to me. "They're coming."

"Dementors?"

"Yes! I might start doing weird things but don't worry, it's," At that moment a large cloaked figure peered into our compartment.

_"That wasn't funny, Ben," I giggled. "You really freaked me out!" I ran down the remainder of the stairs, and my brother jumped in surprise. When he looked at me I saw that he was sobbing. _

_"Ben?" I whispered. I noticed that in his hand was my father's gun. "Ben! What… What are you doing with that?" _

_"I'm so sorry, Alex," he cried miserably. "But if I don't…. If I don't I'll have to go to a hospital again…and take all the meds, and see all the therapists…"_

_"You need help!" I exclaimed, and as the shock of what was happening finally settled in sobs shook my tiny 11 year old body. _

_"What?" he screamed. "Not you too, Alex! I'm not sick! I'm perfectly fine, and I'm so fucking TIRED of everyone telling me otherwise!"_

_"B-B-But you are sick! That's what daddy said! Y-You can get better!" He laughed maliciously through his tears._

_"You don't know the first FUCKING thing about dad!" he yelled. "That ASSHOLE made mom leave! I know you don't remember her, but I do! HE RUINED MY LIFE!" _

_"B-B-Ben please…!" I screamed. "D-D-Don't do this to me! I… I love you! I don't want you to leave! Not ever!" His face screwed up in pain. He fell to his knees next to me. He wrapped his arms around my shaking body._

_"I'm so sorry," he said softly in my ear. "You're not old enough to understand. But you will someday. I love you so much. I…I just can't take it anymore." He stood up and walked back to the gun. _

_"NO!!" I shrieked. My throat felt sore from how loud I had yelled. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip around the trigger. Everything seemed to freeze in time, and I just stood there, screaming in disbelief. I faintly heard some distant voices yelling my name and shaking me, but I was rooted in the spot and continued to scream as I stared at his crumpled figure. Blood was pulsing from his broken head. "NO! BEN!" I screamed again as I raced forward. In a wild daze I began to pick up chunks of his shattered skull and attempted to put them in place. I whipped out my wand and started yelling, "Episkey!" over and over again, but the charm just didn't work. I tried 'Reparo' as well, but nothing helped. I sat there holding his broken head in my lap feeling useless, bawling so hard that I thought I would choke on my tears._

_"Alexandra! Ben?!?" Shouted my neighbor's voice. I heard feet going down the staircase. I felt a pair of hands trying to pry me away from my brother, but I refused to move. _

_"NO! NO! I CAN FIX HIM! LET ME FIX HIM! BEN!!" My neighbor succeeded in pulling me away. "STOP! LET GO! LET GO!" I thrashed around wildly in his arms, trying desperately to get to Ben. _

_"ALEXANDRA FAYE WHITELY. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" shouted my neighbor. I felt him poke me in the side with his wand and he murmered something under his breath. He let me slump to the floor, and the last thing I saw was blood….everywhere…_

"Alex?" asked a voice dripping with concern. I opened my heavy, swollen eyes and saw that I was lying across the seat in our compartment.

"Alex? You're okay?!" The next thing I knew one of the twins was hugging me.

"Those dementors, huh?" I said shakily. The twin, Fred, I'm guessing, pulled away.

"What was happening? You just started screaming and then you sat on the floor…and…and…"

"I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," I explained quietly, still shaking from the fresh memory. "I saw my older brother kill himself in front of me and I was trying to put his head back together. That was three years ago. I'm…I'm okay now."

"Does that happen whenever a dementor is near?" he asked.

"Only when they feed off of me… Is everyone else all right?"

"Harry fainted, but yeah, it's all okay."

"Get out of the way, give her some room!" a voice demanded. I looked up to see a tall graying man with very shabby robes and scars across his face. He knelt next to me. "Are you okay, Alex?"

"Yes. I'm fine."

"Has this happened before?"

"Plenty of times," I admitted sheepishly. "I had to go to a Mental Institution for a while, it was so bad."

"When was the last time you've had an episode?" he asked as he handed me a large chunk of chocolate.

"It's been a few months. I've gotten treatment and everything; it's almost as if it isn't even a problem any more. And when I do have episodes they're usually in my sleep." He nodded at my sympathetically.

"Alright, I'll let you rest for a bit. I expect that we have an hour or so until we arrive."

"Thank you very much," I answered as I forced a smile on my face. He left room looking quite worried. Fred, George, and Lee all looked quite pale as they sat across from me. I picked my wand up from the ground and fixed my eyes again. I glanced out of the compartment to see several students staring at me with great interest. I sighed angrily and laid back down.

"Are you all okay?" I asked and almost laughed at the looks of horror on their faces.

"Yeah," they all answered in unison.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I guess I just ruined your whole trip." I stared at the ceiling silently, and they talked amongst themselves in low voices.

"We should probably change into robes now," Lee said loud enough for me to hear just before I dozed off.

"Okay," I sighed. I stretched and stood up. I rubbed my eyes sleepily as I grabbed my uniform out of my suitcase. We changed in silence, and I was a little bit slower than them… Well, a lot slower. I felt their eyes bore into me as I pulled of my shirt. I wanted so badly to ask, "Like what you see?" with a smirk, but I figured that now wasn't the time. I finished up as quickly as I could and sat back down. The train screeched to a halt and we all stood up at the same time.

"Here," said a twin as he grabbed my trunk. "I'll bring this in for you."

"Which one are you?" I asked, blushing lightly.

"George."

"Thanks, George." We exited the train and they put the trunks in a big pile near the train while I ogled the large and beautiful castle. I now knew why Ben wanted to go here so badly.

"Firs' years!" called a rather large and scruffy man. "Firs' years and Alexandra Whitely!" I flushed at my name.

"Hey, I'm a whole new category!" I giggled to Fred and George. "I'll see you around?"

"Of course," Fred (I think) said with a grin.

"I hope you get Gryffindor," said George (again, I think.)

"Me too," I said with a smile. "But I'll be okay with anything as long as it isn't Slytherin. Well I better get going. Sorry for the scare." I nearly skipped over to the large man; I was so nervous and excited. "Everyone here? Okay then, let's get goin'," the man said. "My names Hagrid."

((Sorry it's a weird place to leave off, but this is getting pretty lengthy O.o))


	3. Chapter 3

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Chapter 3

((Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, only Alexandra.))

"Hello, Hagrid," I said brightly.

"Hullo," he grunted. "Yeh look a lil old to be a firs' year. Are you Alexandra?"

"Alex," I said with a smile.

"Nice ter meet yeh," he said with a huge grin. "D'ya like it here?" I nodded as I looked over at the castle.

"It's beautiful." It seems that I was the only one with the courage to speak with Hagrid.

"Alrigh'," he said as we reached a large glossy lake. "We're gettin' across by these here boats." He gestured to the large group of boats floating at the edge of the water. "There's four to a boat. Hurry up, now!" I followed him to the edge and joined him in his boat.

"All full here," he said to a first year who wanted to join us. "I coun' as three." The little boy looked taken aback and found another boat to get in. Hagrid did most of the work as we crossed the lake; I merely sat back and stared my breath taking surroundings. I smiled serenely, for my father was right. I felt Ben in my heart.

"Here we are," Hagrid said brightly. "Jus' follow me again." He led us through the vast grounds, pointing out different places along the way. "That there is the Herbology Greenhouse. And just bellow that is my house…" We finally entered a building and climbed some stairs, and waiting for up was an older woman with her hair in a tight bun.

"Hello," I said to her with a smile. She studied me reproachfully; I'm guessing that most new students didn't talk to her either.

"Are you Alexandra Faye?" she asked.

"Alex, and yes," I responded.

"How are you feeling? I heard about the train…?"

"Much better, thank you." She nodded at me with a hint of a smile.

"My name is Professor McGonagall, and I am the Transfiguration teacher here. I am also head of the Gryffindor house. In a few moments I will bring you inside the Great Hall where you will be sorted into houses. The houses here are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. I believe they are ready for us now," she cracked the door and peered inside. "Yes, they are. Okay, let's go." I followed her inside with the other first years. I gasped when I entered. It was very beautiful, the ceiling looked like the night sky, and there was rustic decor, such as large suits of armor. The students were all seated at very long tables. There were flags above each table, labeling them as one of the four houses. I scrutinized the Gryffindor table and realized that all of the people I had met were there, save Draco Malfoy. When we made it to the front of the room I noticed a raggedy old hat on a stool. The old seam opened up and the hat began to sing. After it finished its song Professor McGonagall pulled out a scroll.

"I will start with Alexandra Whitely first, seeing how she's an exchange student. Whitely, Alexandra Faye." I walked over to the stool, trying to feign confidence. She put the large hat on my head.

"_Curious,_" whispered the hat in my ear. "_You have so much wisdom and knowledge beyond your years…But no matter, the house you belong to is obvious. _GRYFFINDOR!"I smiled at put the hat back on the stool. Fred and George were beckoning me to sit with them.

"Oh, Miss Whitely?" said Professor McGonagall from behind me. "Madam Pomfrey actually wanted to see you."

"Oh," I said and turned on my heel to face her. "Where is she?"

"Out in the hall waiting for you," she answered.

"Okay…" I replied. I made my way down the long hall as Professor McGonagall continued with names. A rather old and tired looking nurse was standing outside of the door looking furious.

"Here you are, dear," she said as she handed me a slab of chocolate. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," I answered.

"Do you know what happened on the train?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

"I was diagnosed with PTSD three years ago," I explained. "I'm used to it. I'm completely fine, and I already had some chocolate." I almost felt the need to explode into the Great Hall and shout that at everyone. Maybe then I'd stop getting harassed.

"Oh, alright then. You look fine to me. I just hope you don't run into any more of those bloody beasts- excuse me. I think it's ridiculous that they're stationed here."

"I agree. Well I'd like to watch the rest of the sorting if that's okay."

"Yes dear, of course. If anything else happens come see me, okay?"

"Sure. Thank you!" I walked back into the Great Hall nibbling on my chocolate happily. I sat down next to one of the twins who said he was Fred. George and Lee were across from me and the entire time they were eyeing my chocolate hungrily. Feeling particularly compassionate, I broke off a generous chunk for each of them. They thanked me quietly and finished quickly. Finally the Sorting was over, and Dumbledore stood up. He briefly spoke about the rules, and then clapped his hands. Magically food appeared, covering the table with lavish sights and smells. Everybody dug in immediately, but I leaned back and really drank in the scene around me. I wished that Ben could be here with me. I could almost see the awe light his eyes, and then he would start shoveling the food in as well. I smiled lightly and began to eat some various pastas and puddings (the meatless ones of course) and I even noticed some faux meat products. I looked up to the teachers table and smiled at Dumbledore, who winked at me.

"Is that meat I see?" asked George as I took a bite. I shook my head.

"It's fake," I answered after I had finished up. Fred curiously cut himself a small piece and cringed.

"This is disgusting!"

"It tastes fine," I laughed, his face was still screwed up in horror.

"No, it doesn't! Honestly woman, why do you torture yourself like this?"

"I'm not torturing myself!" I gasped. He gave me a reproachful look.

"Look, tomorrow you should go to the kitchens. Just find a painting of a bowl of fruit, tickle the pear, it laughs and then it opens. Ask the house elves to make you a steak. Nobody would see you, nobody would know."

"I'm almost offended!"

"Almost is key," he said laughing. I rolled my eyes and continued to eat the faux meat.

"Y'know, I sort of feel bad for Sirius Black," George said. "Those dementors were horrible."

"Yeah," agreed Fred. "I'd kill myself." My eyes flashed at them angrily.

"Really?" I asked in a deadly sweet voice.

"It'd be better than living!" I calmly pulled out my wand and charmed a dish of peas to fly and attack Fred. I pushed away from the table.

"Excuse me," I said politely as I ran to the doors angrily. I don't know where I was going; I was just walking around the school aimlessly, trying to blow off steam. How dare he say that after finding out about my brother? What kind of insensitive ass would do that?

"Oooh, a student running around the castle! Heehee! What fun!" yelled somebody from above me. "Peeves knows all about you! You're the girl everybody is talking about, the crazy one!"

"I'm not crazy!" I snapped as I slid down a wall and sat down. No sense in getting myself more lost.

"Ooh, but you were the one who started screaming and talking to yourself when a dementor came! You are crazy! And you know what? Nobody wants you here! When you least expect it they'll chuck you out!"

"Go to hell. Peeves, was it?" He nodded and smiled a horrible twisted smile. "D'you know where we are and how to get to the Gryffindor common room?" He nodded again and smiled even bigger.

"Just down those stairs over there. Take a left at the statue of the hunchback lady and use 'Alohamora' on the lock."

"I bet that leads me to some terrible place."

"You don't trust me?"

"Sorry, no."

"Heehee good choice!" Peeves then decided it'd be a good idea to start throwing every object in reach at me.

"Ouch! Stop!" I yelled. "I'll tell Dumbledore!"

"I don't care! Heehee!" He danced around me once he ran out of things to throw, making obscene gestures and making obnoxious faces. To his disappointment, I didn't react. He was like a small child looking for attention, when I ignored him he finally gave up and left me alone. I stared at my feet sadly, feeling extremely frustrated and alone.

"Alex! There you are!" called a voice that was too familiar to me at this point. "I'm so sorry! I'll show you the kitchens and then the common room, you can eat all the nasty fake meat you want!" I sighed.

"You honestly think that's why I got so pissed off?"

"Well… yeah. What else did I say?" I got to my feet quickly.

"You are SO STUPID! God, just leave me alone, will you?"

"Wha…Why?" he asked. The look on his face told me that he was honestly confused.

"Because you're an insufferable, insensitive idiot! I would hex you and then run if it weren't for the fact that I'm completely lost!"

"What did I say?" he asked.

"Oh my god," I muttered as I looked away.

"Seriously! I was just talking about Sirius Black and then- oh. I'm sorry, it never even crossed my mind!"

"Which is why you are an insensitive idiot."

"I'm really sorry, I don't know what else to say. Let's go back to the common room."

"Okay then," I said icily. We walked along awkwardly, the silence driving me crazy. "I'm sorry I over reacted," I said finally.

"It's okay."

"You're still mad, huh?"

"I'm not mad," he answered with a grin. "I was insensitive." I smiled back at him, glad that he wasn't angry.

"Thanks."

"You see that painting over there?" he said as we turned a corner. He pointed to a portrait of a bowl of fruit.

"That's the kitchens?"

"Yup." Suddenly I had an epiphany, and it involved salty pancakes. We finally made it to a portrait of an obese woman in a horrible pink dress.

"Fortuna Major," Fred said.

"Correct," the portrait said with a smile as she swung open. "Welcome to Hogwarts."


	4. Chapter 4

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Chapter Four

((Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Alexandra. I would like to thank Black Gate Keeper for the amazing prank idea… though it was a prank she decided to test on me…. Ughh….))

"Wow…" I whispered as I climbed into the portrait hole. The Gryffindor common room was decorated in all maroon and gold. The couches and seats all looked very cozy, and a fire was burning lightly in the hearth. The atmosphere was so cozy and welcoming that I instantly felt at home.

"Nice, isn't it?" asked Fred who had climbed in after me.

"It's amazing!" I walked deeper into the room and looked closely at everything. There were intricate designs and wonderful lion symbols throughout the room.

"The Girls' Dormitories are the up left staircase, and the Boys' are up the right. I'll see you tomorrow?" I nodded at him, and smiled. His eyes were smiling when he told me he was sorry again.

"Goodnight!" I said cheerily as I walked up the left staircase. He saluted me from the bottom. I opened the door to see most of the girls either unpacking or catching up.

"Alex!" called the girl with the bushy brown hair, Hermione?

"Hi," I answered.

"Where were you?" she asked, looking shocked. "And what did the twins say?"

"They said something stupid, so I left and got lost. Fred came and found me though. I really shouldn't have gotten so mad." I found my bed easily, my suitcase was on it.

"Oh, well you're lucky he found you. Wow! Your trunk is huge!" she said gaping at me. I smirked and unzipped it, and inside was a huge stack of my books. And when I say huge, I mean monstrous. Her eyes widened.

"Like reading?" asked a girl whose trunk was labeled "Brown, Lavender."

"A little bit," I answered with a grin.

"May I borrow a few some time?" inquired Hermione as she looked through my books with great interest.

"Sure. Why not?"

"Thanks," she said beaming at me. I noticed that she had large front teeth, but they sort of suited her. "Well, you must be exhausted. Goodnight!"

"'Night." I stripped and changed into some pajamas, and it wasn't until my head hit the pillow that I realized how tired I actually was. I fell asleep quickly, and have never slept more soundly.

I awoke the next morning especially early. All of the girls were still in bed. I changed into my robes quietly and crept down the stairs. It seemed that nobody was awake yet. I left common room and made my way to where the kitchens were. I approached the painting of the fruit. I stared at it for a moment, and feeling quite stupid I lightly brushed the pear with my index finger. It squealed and stirred a bit, and the portrait swung open. I stepped in to see hundreds of small dirty creatures wearing rags. They had huge eyes, about the size of tennis balls and floppy bat-like ears.

"'Ello, miss!" squeaked the house elf closest to me.

"Uh…Hi?"

"I is Rika! I is happy to see you! How can I help you, miss?"

"Hello, Rika. My name is Alex, and I actually have a few questions to ask for first. Do you know Fred and George Weasley?"

"Yes miss, I do! They comes in for food all the time, miss!"

"Well, they're my friends. They really like salt- especially in their pancakes. Loads of it. D'you think that for just this morning you can add a lot of salt to a few pancakes that are sure to get to them?"

"Why yes, miss! Rika is glad to do that for Masters Fred and George!" I felt a pang in my gut. George didn't deserve this.

"Actually, Rika, I think only Fred likes the salt. If they want more, they'll come in and see you. Is that okay?"

"Yes miss, that is okay! Is there anything Alex wants now?"

"Uh…" I thought about it momentarily. "Coffee with cream and sugar?" Rika nodded excitedly and came back momentarily with my mug.

"Here you go, miss! Do you like it?" I look a sip and nodded happily. It was the best cup of coffee I've had in years.

"Thank you very much, Rika. You are a superb house elf!" She glowed with happiness and curtseyed several times.

"You are too kind, Miss Alex! Rika will be happy to see you again!" A large bunch of house elves waved me away, squeaking their thanks. I left the kitchen with my very large mug of coffee. I walked back to the common room, sipping it now and then. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to try and find the Great Hall alone.

"Fortuna Major," I said to a very sleepy looking Fat Lady.

"Yes, yes," she yawned as she opened for me. I climbed in to see Fred and George with a pile of paper and pens. I smirked to myself and crept behind them.

"What'cha doing there?" I asked into their ears.

"Holy….!" They exclaimed as they jumped out of their chairs.

"Why yes, I am holy. Thanks for noticing," I mused.

"What are you doing up?" asked Fred (I'm getting good at this). I held out my coffee cup for him to see.

"I need my caffeine. What are _you_ doing up?"

"Brainstorming," George answered.

"For what?" I asked with a snort. I took a seat next to Fred on a sofa.

"Joke products. We're going to start selling them here, but we need to think of ideas, develop and test them first, so don't freak out." Fred said, eyeing me with curiosity.

"My friend Hope and I actually did that last year," I giggled at their surprised expressions. "She had the ideas, and I had the brain."

"Well, what did you make?"

"This and that. You can come up with your own ideas." I laughed at their disappointed faces.

"We're going to fling Dungbombs into the Slytherins' pumpkin juices some time. Want to help with that?"

"No! I told you, I was the brain. My friend would get an idea and I would help fine-tune it. I don't want to get in trouble."

"Oh, what's a detention or two?"

"I've haven't gotten a detention in my life."

"Never?" gasped Fred.

"Not one." I answered.

"Wow, even Hermione has gotten detention!" George exclaimed.

"That has got to change," Fred added. "You will get detention one way or another!"

"Are you really going to go around and try to get me a detention?" I asked. The look on my face challenged their sanity.

"It's a right of passage!" Fred claimed. I nearly snorted again.

"Wow, okay then. Keep telling yourself that." A few sleepy boys walked down the stairs rubbing their eyes.

"Hey Fred, hey George. Want to go to breakfast now?"

"Nah, too early. Plus we're busy here with Alex! Don't you have eyes?" I shrugged and shook my head at the boys.

"Blimey, I'm sorry," said one of the sleepy boys. "Have fun." They winked as they exited the room.

"If you can get detention for having a bad reputation you just might succeed in your quest."

"You don't have a bad reputation," they laughed.

"I will if you keep that up." They grinned at me and crouched over the papers, talking quietly and scribbling down ideas. I stared blankly at a wall, occasionally drinking my coffee. After a large sum of Gryffindors had left to breakfast, they stuffed the parchment into their bags.

"Ready to go?"

"Sure." I gulped down the remainder of my coffee which was merely warm by that point. I didn't really pay attention to what they were talking about; I was focused on memorizing the way to the Great Hall. When we got there the tables were already covered in food. We sat in the same spots we did last night, and Lee was already there eating.

"These pancakes are excellent!" Lee said with a contented grin. Fred and George instantly helped themselves to large stacks, and I decided to try the waffles instead. I watched Fred closely as he took his first bite. He smiled in delight.

"These are delicious!" He then proceeded to shovel in the pancakes. Lee and George looked fine as well. I guess the elves changed their minds. I shrugged and ate my Belgium Waffles happily. I hadn't been so happy for a long time.

"Ugh!" I looked over at Fred; he had frozen in place and had this horrible expression of disgust written across his face. He spat out his current bite, which was saturated with salt. His eyes watered up and he took a huge gulp of pumpkin juice, finishing it. I handed him mine sympathetically, regretting the prank instantly.

"Are the house elves trying to do me in?" he asked incredulously once he got the taste out of his mouth.

"Maybe you offended them," Lee offered.

"Yeah, you did say the fake meat Alex was eating was disgusting," George agreed.

"How did they hear?" He began to look under his seat, searching for a house elf.

"Dunno. Maybe when they were magically refilling the plates they heard," Lee suggested.

"What, are they invisible?" He started groping around wildly under his seat.

"I dunno, but they must have heard somehow."

"But that fake stuff was absolutely horrendous!" he looked down at his pancakes, and then decided that insulting the food wouldn't help much. "Sorry, sorry, sorry!" He said over and over again, looking worried. "I didn't mean it!"

"That isn't going to do anything. Why don't you magically remove the salt?" I asked while laughing.

"I don't know how! Do you?" he asked George, who shook his head. He looked at Lee expectantly who shrugged.

"How pathetic. Don't they teach cooking here?"

"I dunno, maybe. I haven't taken it in any case." I rolled my eyes and grabbed his plate from him. I waved my wand at it and the salt began seeping out of it and settled in a pile on my now empty plate.

"I think I love you," he said with a huge grin. He took a cautious bite and then began to devour it.

"Oh look, the schedules are getting passed out now," George said as he looked at the far end of the table. I looked too, and saw Professor McGonagall beckoning me over.

"I'll be right back," I said as I stood up.

"Good morning Miss Whitely," she said.

"Good morning Professor. How are you?"

"Really good, thank you. It is my understanding that you have taken several Healing courses in America?" I nodded. "We don't offer that here, but Madam Pomfrey will be more than happy to have you come in for one period a day and help out. Would you like that?"

"Yes! We didn't really get much practice in real cases, just fake injuries on magical dolls and what not."

"Well then that's settled. Here is your schedule. Use any free period you wish to help out." I grinned.

"Thank you very much, Professor." I joined everybody back at the table.

"Let's see it then," Fred said as he grabbed my schedule.

"Oh, that was polite," I muttered under my breath.

"Same as us. Excellent!"

"Oh, god. I just might get my first detention this year." They all smiled at me.

"That's the way to think positively," Fred joked as he patted my shoulder. This is going to be one hell of a year.

((Again, thanks to Black Gate Keeper for the salty pancake idea. She actually did that to me before, and it was terrible. So I decided that it was Fred's turn to suffer as I did.))


	5. Chapter 5

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Chapter 5

((Once again, I do not own any of the characters except for Alexandra. I feel obliged to put this in every chapter, so….yeah.))

This chapter is dedicated to Melinda… though she doesn't go on here.

Professor Trelawney was a fraud. I sat lazily at a round table next to the twins and Lee, trying to ignore all of the dire predictions she was throwing out like candy. It seemed everybody was in grave danger and will have a horrible and miserable year at Hogwarts.

"I…I feel such a strong connection over here!" Trelawney said as she stopped by our crowded table dramatically.

"Wow guys, no matter how lonely you get twincest isn't the answer!" I joked loudly, and muffled sniggers followed.

"Sorry, we didn't know. Glad you cleared that up," Fred said, not looking embarrassed in the slightest.

"You're welcome. You wouldn't want to be cast out of society or anything," I replied, making sure my face was completely serious looking.

"Oh, gosh. You're right. Thanks again!" We stared at each other for a moment and then burst into hysterics. She ignored our back and forth and was instead studying me with great interest.

"Yes…such a strong connection. Do you mind if I give you a tarot card reading?"

"Uh…no? I don't mind." (Sorry, I tried looking up how you actually do a reading but was unsuccessful…so here is my attempt.) She bustled over to a table covered in random trinkets and pulled out a deck of cards. I pulled three out of the deck like she instructed and laid it on the table in front of me.

"Okay. The first card symbolizes your past…" I flipped it over to see The Fool. My face blazed when I saw it, Fool didn't look good to me. "Ahh…" she said quietly, and my face reddened more. "The Fool symbolizes a new beginning, and starting fresh. Has anything like that happened in your past?"

"Well when my brother passed I took a lot of therapy and sort of discovered myself. I got treated for my disorder and for depression, and it was like getting reborn as somebody else."

"I see…the next card represents your present." I turned it over and saw The Tower. I had no idea what to think.

"The Tower represents change, such as you moving and starting a new school. Whether or not it will be a good change or a bad change depends on the last card, which is your future. I flipped it eagerly to see The Lovers. My face fell.

"The Lovers…I'm sure you can figure that one out for yourself. May I ask what your sign is?"

"Gemini, I believe. But I never took the time to look it up."

"Gemini, the sign of the Twins. How very interesting." Quiet laughter buzzed around the room again. "Well Miss Whitely, it's in the stars and it's in the cards. May I look in your tea dredges?"

"Why not," I sighed. This was getting quite obnoxious. She pulled out a china saucer and poured some tea in it. I swallowed quickly, desperate to get the reading over with.

"Swirl it three times to the right… Ahh. Okay." I handed the cup for her to read.

"The Sun. You have great happiness coming." I was shocked. I was sure I'd get some horrible figure in my cup, predicting death or something. The girls in the room were eyeing me jealously, for they all had bad omens and energy I suppose. A few girls began whispering angrily.

"Oh shut up over there," I snapped, starting to get pissed about how stupid this class was. "Honestly, if she says I'm going to have a great day I will look for all the little good things and disregard the bad. But if she said I would have a bad day it'd be totally opposite. There is no such thing as good or bad days, its all about how you take it. Think positively and even the bad things can be very educational and beneficial. Think negatively and you'll pick at every little thing that went wrong and ignore the good. That's just how life is."

"There are some things that just can't be good. Like your brother dying and you having PTSD. How can that be good?" one of the girls asked, looking angry and upset. She stared at me like I was a lying hypocrite.

"Its really sad that he's gone but he's taught me so many things. Everything that happened has made me a stronger and wiser person. Every time I have an episode I push myself to fight it. I challenge my abilities and try and see just how capable I am to handle myself. I am a different and better person now because I can fight all that happened and can still be happy about what I have. I just feel bad for people like my brother who couldn't win the battle. He held on as long as he could, but he was sick. And I'm proud of him for staying as long as he did. By the way, I'm dropping this class," I said to Trelawney. "It's just not my subject. Can you give me directions to the hospital wing?" She looked completely and utterly appalled. She nodded at me slowly and scribbled some directions on a piece of parchment.

"Thank you," I said crisply as I took it from her. "And thanks for the readings. Bye everybody." I heard some cheering erupt from inside the class as I began walking down her magical staircase. I smiled to myself and hoped that my speech would spread around the school as well, because Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder doesn't run my life. I won't let it. The long winding staircase seemed to take longer to walk down then it did to walk up, actually. But that's probably because before I was with the twins and Lee. And with them there never was a dull moment. I smiled as I remembered the strange and hilarious conversations we had. I looked down at the directions once I got out of the door and followed them closely. As I turned down a different corridor I was Peeves knocking over suits of armor.

"Oooh look, it's the crazy girl!" I rolled my eyes and ignored him as he followed me around shouting "Mental girl coming through! Watch out!" It was easier than I thought. He gave up as I finally arrived at the Hospital Wing. He floated away cackling and returned to his suits of armor. I stuffed the directions into my bag as I entered. Madam Pomfrey was looking in the mirror with her wand pointed at her hair. She waved her wand and half an inch of hair was severed and fell to the floor. She brushed her hair looking satisfied. She magically swept the hair on the ground into a trash can.

"Excuse me? Madam Pomfrey?" I said quietly as I took a few more steps into the room.

"Oh, sorry dear. Just giving myself a bit of a trim. It's empty in here today. So what seems to be the problem?"

"Nothing, its just Professor McGonagall told me I can help out in here, and I dropped Divination so I figured now would be the perfect time."

"Oh, that's right. Alex, is it?" I nodded. "Well, it's empty in here right now, so I guess it's the perfect time to give you a tour." She showed me around the different wings, some for overnights, some for extended stays, and some for day use. There was also a waiting room stocked with little snacks and drinks for worried friends. All in all it was a very good hospital.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked slowly as an idea popped into my head.

"Sure, dear."

"It's sort of a favor."

"Well, what is it?"

"Do you think you can cut my hair for me? I know the spell for it, but I'm afraid I'll mess up."

"It'd be no problem at all!" she answered with a motherly smile. She pointed her wand at my head. "Just tell me what you want." And I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted something completely different, something less plain, and edgy. I wanted something that just screamed me.

"Crop it," I said confidently with a grin. "Crop it boyishly short, but with femininity." She smiled back at me.

"Sounds great," she answered. I closed my eyes as she waved her wand. I felt all of my long hair fall off of my head, and I felt hair brush the left side of my forehead. I had side-bangs. I opened my eyes and pat my head curiously. The hair was long enough that it curled slightly at the ends, but it didn't stick out like a boy's haircut would. I felt my bangs, and they were brushed to the side, and was just long enough to hook around my ear. I ran next to a mirror and admired it happily. I felt like my appearance finally matched up with who I was.

"I just wish I had a nose piercing!" I mused with a smile, my amber eyes twinkling brightly.

"Oh wow, how lucky!" Madame Pomfrey said from behind me. "There was a 7th year last year that tried to pierce her own nose and messed up horribly. I confiscated all of her studs and sterilized them, but she never claimed them and is gone now. Would you like me to pierce it for you? You can have all of the studs, too."

"Yes!" I nearly screamed. I had wanted a nose piercing for a long time, but had never asked my dad for one.

"Think of it as a thank you present. You know, for helping out." I was so happy I thought I would explode. She walked into her office and said "Accio, Studs!" A little zippered bag zoomed out from a drawer and flew into her hand. "What colour would you like?"

"Gold, please." I refrained from jumping up and down, but just barely. She did a simple spell and handed me a golden stud to put in. The gold matched my hair nicely and brought out the golden flecks in my eyes.

"You look lovely, dear," said Madame Pomfrey.

"Thank you sooo much!" I squealed.

"It's no problem. The classes are about to change. Here's directions to your Defense Against the Dark Arts class. I'll see you at this time tomorrow." She answered as she handed me a parchment. It was more detailed and easier to read than Professor Trelawney's.

"Thank you!" I said excitedly, still not over my great luck. "I'll see you!" I left the room with my nose in the parchment. I wondered as I smiled to myself whether or not my friends would recognize me. I decided happily that they wouldn't, and my mind whirled with the possibilities that the next class presented.


	6. Chapter 6

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Chapter Six

((Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Alexandra, and Ben I suppose. Ooh, caught you off guard, didn't I? And this chapter is dedicated to Black Gate Keeper for no particular reason. So yeah… Enjoy. Review please =3 Oh and sorry for the wait, I was traveling and didn't get a chance to write.))

I walked down the corridors of Hogwarts slowly and deliberately, for I feared that I would accidentally get lost. As I neared the classroom I was seeking a loud bell rang and students of all ages and houses began to push each other out of their classes. I guessed I was in the main hallway of sorts because it was so congested that I could barely get a chance to look at my directions. I found the room okay though, and the only few people in there were Ravenclaws. The raggedy man from the train was up front shuffling through papers.

"Am I in the right class?" I asked as I peered into the room.

"Alexandra, is it?" asked the man as he looked down at a list. "Yes, this is the right class. You cut your hair?"

"Needed a change," I replied sheepishly as I sat next to one of the Ravenclaw boys up front.

"Change is good," he said airily as more students entered the classroom, and luckily there were more Gryffindors. Right before the bell rang a large group of Gryffindors from the Divination class came in panting, and I felt sympathy for them. It must have been a long walk. The twins and Lee sat behind me, oblivious to whom I was.

"Where's Alex?" whispered one of the twins as he looked around the room.

"Dunno. Still in the Hospital Wing?" replied Lee.

"Maybe…"

"Hello, class. I am Professor Lupin, and this is the OWL level class of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Today we'll be doing some basic review, because I am aware you haven't had a teacher stay for more than a year. I believe that you are grossly behind other schools in this department."

"Oh no," I sighed.

"I will now call role. When your name is called please say 'Present.'," He went down the list, and eventually came to Fred Weasley. He and George both answered with equally stupid words (such as flibbertigibbet) and then he called "Alexandra Whitely?"

"She's not here," answered the twins quickly before I could make my presence known. Professor Lupin looked down at me briefly.

"Nonsense," he began. "She is right in front of you."

"Wha…?" I giggled to myself and turned around. I didn't have much fun messing with them like I had hoped because Lupin blew my cover, but the look of shock on their faces was satisfying enough.

"Hello," I said quietly as Professor Lupin moved on from roll.

"Wait- You're the girl from Divination?" asked the rather cute Ravenclaw boy who I was sitting next to.

"Yeah," I answered with a smile.

"Blimey," he murmered to himself as he ran his fingers through his dark hair. "I like your hair. Did you do it yourself?"

"No," I replied sheepishly. "Madam Pomfrey did it as a gift. I'm going to be helping her out all year."

"You want to be a Healer?" he asked with a flirtatious smile, which was nearly perfect. His good looks made me uncomfortable, and I wondered vaguely to myself why I was still speaking to him.

"I've wanted to be a Healer since I could walk," I said and returned his red carpet smile. He looked all too pleased with himself, so I made it a point not to smile again. But I know I won't succeed, I smile when I'm nervous. I picked it up after Ben died, smiling was my mask. I don't smile to hide my emotions any more, but it stuck. I glanced behind me casually to see the trio looking at me. They were listening to us.

"I'm Damon," he said as he held out his hand to me.

"Alex," I answered as I shook his hand. He had a very firm grasp, and his hand was pleasantly cool. Yup. He was too perfect. At that note, we both turned to listen to Professor Lupin. He was walking towards the very front of the room were there was a rectangular shape covered by a large sheet. He pulled off the cover revealing a low tank with some blood and water in it. Also in the tank was a small red creature with a bowl attached to its head. A liquid substance filled the bowl, and I instantly recognized it. I raised my hand, confusion evident on my face.

"Yes, Miss Whitely?" responded the Professor.

"Why isn't this covered in a Magical Creatures class?"

"Because Hogwarts only has Care of Magical Creatures, and this doesn't fall under those categories. It is also a dark creature so we are dealing with them here. I am assuming you know what this is?" I nodded.

"It's a kappa."

"And do you know what to do when confronting one?" I nodded again. "Could you please demonstrate for me?"

"Sure," I replied. I stood up and made my way to the tank. I stepped into it quickly onto the dry patch in corner. The kappa made a strange hissing noise at me. I raised my hands up slowly to show I didn't have my wand. I cautiously took out my wand and showed it to the creature. It made a violent jump at me, and I stuffed my wand into my pocket. It watched me closely, looking quite puzzled. I made sure it could see my hands as I bowed low to it. The kappa looked pleased with itself and bowed back, the poor bugger. The liquid poured out of the bowl, and the kappa crumpled in the shallow pool. I smiled, happy with my performance.

"Well done, Alex! Well done!" sang Professor Lupin. "I expect big things from you this year! Now that we've seen it done, does anybody want to try it?" I sat back in my seat happily when Fred hissed into my ear,

"What's with the hair cut?" I shivered, I guess it was because of the way his breath hit my ear. But it was a good shiver…

"I'm a lesbian," I joked. "I thought it'd be more 'me.' Don't you agree?"

"Oh yes. I'm sure the girls will go crazy over this. But the lesbian thing explains a lot, I was wondering why you weren't falling head-over-heels in love with me yet." I covered my laugh with a cough as Damon made his way to the front of the room.

"Wow, I guess there are a lot of lesbians here then. Just my luck."

"I bet more girls would date me then they would you," he answered indignantly.

"Wanna bet?" I whispered back with a smirk dancing on my lips.

"Sure. I can get more dates then you."

"Okay, so who ever gets the most dates regardless of gender by the end of the day wins. No friends or relatives, nor anybody who knows about out bet. Loser has to….wear the opposite sexes underwear for a day."

"You're on."

A/N: Sorry it's so short and took so long, I had the entire classroom scene written out on paper and it was so tedious to type up. I was intending on adding more, but the wait was so long I decided to just post it already. No more detailed classroom scenes for me D=


	7. Chapter 7

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Chapter 7

((Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story except for Alexandra. I wish the twins were mine, but we can't all get what we wish for, can we? Because if we did, this world would have an unlimited supply of chocolate pudding and everyone would skip around singing "Like a Virgin." But I digress. Sorry for the wait, but I haven't been getting reviews. Enjoy Chapter 7!))

It was lunch time and I had managed to get a date… with Damon. I was leaving my last class before lunch (potions) in a very angry mood. Professor Snape already decided that I am a disrespectful American girl with only air floating around in my head. Fred and George decided that they didn't want to go to potions on that particular date, and essentially left me for dead. Was I supposed to know Snape was a dick? Of course I was. So when nobody warned me I decided it was a good idea to ask him if his class was behind me so I can possibly move up a level, got insulted several times and was sent back to my seat. Faaaaaantastic. I skulked over to the Gryffindor table, away from the twins. I fumed silently as I piled some potatoes on my plate.

"What are you doing over here?" a voice teased in my ear.

"Definitely not eating, if that's what you mean," I snapped back. The voice slid in between me and a startled looking first year. The voice had flaming red hair.

"Aww, what's wrong Alex? Did you get rejected in your futile attempt to beat me?" Fred asked.

"Yes, that is exactly what happened. So if you don't mind, would you leave me alone so I can wallow in my self pity?" His brow furrowed.

"Y'know, Alex? You're really confusing sometimes." Simply shaking my head, I stood up and left the Great Hall. I wandered around the nearly empty corridors, thinking to myself silently. Something didn't feel right to me. It felt empty, as if I were missing something. I, unfortunately, couldn't place my finger on what that something was. Assuming it was my hormones, I shrugged off the feeling as I turned and began to head back to the Great Hall. A confused looking red head emerged from another corridor as I approached, and he looked rather relieved to see me.

"Alex," he exhaled. "I was afraid you would get lost. You run off a lot, don't you?"

"You don't need to worry about me, Fred," I answered truthfully.

"It's George," he mused, grinning.

"Damn. I usually guess right."

"So what's been going on? Are you okay? Is it your…?" he inquired, alluding to my PTSD.

"No, it's nothing to do with my PTSD. I'm fine," I said with a reassuring smile. "Really."

"I was going to say 'Your time of the month,' but okay. That's good." An involuntary snort of laughter escaped my body, but I quickly composed myself.

"I'm okay in that department as well. Care to show me where Transfiguration is?"

"Not particularly. But I suppose I will anyways," he said with a sigh.

"You're such a drama queen," I giggled as he led me up some stairs.

"I resent that," he said with the scowl. "You're the drama queen. Passing out in the train, screaming about your brother, telling off Trelawney, chopping your hair off, making a bet with Fred…."

"Okay, okay. Point taken."

"Fred's really intrigued by you, y'know? You sort of make no sense and we can't put our fingers on why," explained George as we turned left down another long hallway.

"I wish I could explain why. I honestly don't completely understand myself, either." A lump began to form in my throat. "You'd be surprised by some of the shit that goes on in my head."

"Like what?" he asked as we stopped in front of one of the classrooms.

"Like the next attack I'm planning. Fred kept going on about being a player so I'm going to mail him a giant bra filled with rocks," I answered with a playful smile, but behind it was a painful jolt of sorrow. I hated myself for lying, and I hated how quickly the bad feelings could come and go.

"I'm going to ignore the fact that I have no idea what a player is," replied George, "and use potatoes instead."

"Why?" I laughed.

"It's funny?" he responded, looking slightly confused and very amused.

"Potatoes are random, and smoked sausage is funny. Tsk, tsk, I thought you'd know better."

"Oh, well excuse me."

"You're excused," I answered, nodding my approval. He maintained eye contact with me for a couple of seconds. Feeling awkward, I dropped my gaze to my shoes. I peeked up again to see him examining me still, smiling crookedly.

"What?" I giggled uncomfortably. He took a deep breath and pushed my bangs out of my eyes. He leaned forward slightly, and into my ear he breathed,

"I really am Fred."

I could feel my cheeks blazing as the bell conveniently rang. I ducked under his arm and entered the classroom in time to see Professor McGonagall transform into a cat.

"Holy-!" I exclaimed, barely able to hold down the curse words that were threatening to escape my mouth. She gave me a stern look, so I made my way to the front of the room and sat down. Fred followed.

"You aren't going to say anything?" he teased as he sat next to me.

"No need to," I said stiffly.

"Aww, it's funny. You know it is."

"Ha ha."

"And you aren't going to say anything about how Professor McGonagall turned into a cat?"

"No need to," I answered again, my voice extremely strained.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked, leaning in towards me again.

"Define 'mad'." Not wanting to be near him, I started to scoot away as far as I could. He tilted himself even closer and pouted at me. He almost looked, dare I say it, adorable.

"You are mad at me, aren't you?" he said in a whiny, baby talk sort of way.

"Would you just leave me alone? It's not funny," I snapped, my eyes flashing dangerously. Shock seemed to wave across every inch of his body. His lips parted slightly as he leaned back towards his own desk. More and more students began to enter the room, so I didn't feel the need to explain myself to Fred.

"Hey you two. Where did you run off to?" asked George when he saw us.

"Nowhere," said Fred blankly. To my dismay, a jolt of guilt washed across me. He eyed us warily, and then sat at Fred's other side. Lee Jordan followed. George and Fred whispered to each other quietly, heads bowed. They occasionally would look up at me, and then continued on. I hated knowing that they were talking about me and there was nothing I could do about it. Once the room was nearly filled, Professor McGonagall transformed back, gaining a very bored sounded round of applause. She "humpfed" and straightened her robes before beginning. She was giving a lecture that I didn't feel like listening to, and once she turned around a piece of parchment was slipped onto my desk.

It read: Meet me in front of the kitchens before dinner so we can talk?

I replied: Fine. See you then.

After the time and place was set, there was no need to talk to him during class. Our next, and last, class was A History of Magic. I didn't sit near them, but during class I could still hear them murmuring to each other.

"You must have done something, mate," said Lee quietly.

"Nothing too bad," admitted Fred. The professor (I didn't bother learning his name) glared at the group, and in a painful monotone he said, "Would the group of you stop talking, and listen." They straightened up and nodded. Fred caught my eye momentarily and looked away quickly. I pulled out some parchment and began to write, not having anything else to do. It wasn't particularly good writing, it wasn't a story, and it wasn't some tragically beautiful love poem. I just wrote. I wrote about thoughts, I wrote about emotions, I made up random characters that I could possibly write about later, I wrote about who I am. Or rather, I wrote about who I wanted to be. I want to be the perfect, beautiful, smart, and funny girl that I attempt to be when meeting new people. I wish I was secure, I wish I had really gotten over my brother's death and could smile about it. I wrote about how I felt as if I were trapped inside an Iron Maiden. Smiling and beautiful on the outside, but in reality I am a pierced and bleeding mass of flesh trying to avoid the iron spikes that the lie has created. As the time passed, the darker and more real my words became.

I am not real. I am not okay. And I never will be genuine or happy until I learn to open up. Opening up is not saying "Oh, my brother died, I have PTSD and I'm okay now!" Opening up would be me saying "MY FUCKING BROTHER DIED, I'M CRAZY AND HAD TO STAY IN A LOONY BIN, AND SOMETIMES I WISH I WERE DEAD, TOO! I HATE MYSELF FOR IT!" Biting my bottom lip, I angrily scratched the last two words I could fit on the parchment: No more.

No more lies, no more infuriating perfection, no more fake smiles. I will be me, and even if that means not everyone likes me, I will be okay.


End file.
